I am actually the most disgracefully disloyal member of the blogging world. Ever. I promise myself that I'll write in it every few weeks or so, but then I know that I'll have too much to write so I just avoid it completely, thus escalating the amount I have to write.
I honestly don't know where to start, because I feel that the past few months of my life have perhaps been the most significant months of my life.
Obviously one major difference in my life is that I no longer-well, for at least half the year-live in Northern Ireland. In all honesty, I would never have imagined that I would grow to love Durham so much; to the extent that I now think of it as like a second home. I went home for the weekend there, and though going home made me miss some of my home comforts, as well as all the people I love , part of me was still super-excited about the prospect of going back to my little room in Collingwood. And when I got back, I realised just how settled I feel here.
I am rarely homesick, lonely or bored here and I think that makes all the difference. Having good friends to talk to when you do feel just an inch of homesickness kind of takes it away again.
I think the fact that I always have stuff to do here makes it practically impossible to miss home all the time. Don't get me wrong, there have been times where I've looked at old photos on my wall or saw something that reminded me of home and I've started to get a little teary, but I think that's only natural.
Anyway, I love life here in Durham. Whether I'm having a night in watching a dvd with the girls or I'm out bopping away in love shack, I'm always having a good time, thank flipping goodness. I had been a bit worried that I wouldn't really like Durham and I'd end up having to transfer to Queens or something. Fortunately I'm certain I made the right decision in coming here.
Apart from the fact I have moved to another country, another major change has occured in my life-I broke up with my boyfriend. You may say, 'well that was bound to happen because you moved to another country', but to be quite honest, I didn't all at. You may also think that after a four month relationship, my life wouldnt be that much different. But it is- no matter how hard I try to move on and pretend I am completely content, I know that I am not and that I won't be for a good while. They say that time is a great healer though, and me being away in Durham will make it easier because we won't have to see each other every day.
When you're completely in love with someone, then suddenly your life changes and then everything changes between you both, you always wonder whether things would have been different if that change of lifestyle had not taken place. But that is something which I will probably never know and so I know that there isn't much point in thinking about it- it will probably just eat me up inside forever.
It is still very early days, and so I am at that stage that everyone probably starts at- you look around your room, you listen to your itunes and every item and every song reminds you of that person... you almost feel like you'd have to lock yourself in an empty room to escape that feeling of nostalgia and wanting to go back to how things were before. But this is now, not before, and I need to keep telling myself that. You can't recreate the past.
On the other hand, I know that out of every negative thing, something good will arise. Everything-cheesy as it sounds- happens for a reason, and that's what I keep telling myself right now. Because even though I don't quite understand why things are the way they are currently, there will be a point in my life where I recognise the purpose of this event in my life.
Kanye West( the blasphemous pig...though a good rapper) even said 'can only make me stronger'-right before saying something about a blonde dyke, I know, but he did say it nontheless lol; and it was a very wise thing to say.
So, I know I am inevitably going to be broken hearted for quite some time, but God promises good things to us, and I am just clinging on to that fact. If things could have been different, flip, i would have loved them to be, but rectifying a situation that probably isn't fixable when you're in another country is beyond possiblity, as much as I want to believe it isn't.
Anyway, that is my life at the minute. As you can see, it's a mixture of good and bad things, but all I can do is take the bad things on board and learn from them.
I'm away now to buy a dress for some bop thing tonight- i don't even have the money, but then again, I have nothing to wear, so I'd prefer to spend money than go in my birthday suit.
Until next time....
ciao!
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